Yet Another Pleasure Planet
by Slayne22
Summary: Everyone was naked. Seriously naked. Not a stitch to be seen! TeamHumor.


Yet AnotherPleasure Planet

By Jennghis Kahn

Pairing- None really. Team fic. I was thisclose to writing it OT4 though. g

Rating- R for sexuality and nudity

Excuse- Oh, this is what happens when I'm at work and there's no one nearby to talk to.

This used to be "Escape From the Pleasure Planet" on live journal. I changed the title when I found a similarly titled story in the archive of an author I admire greatly. Obviously if you read it there, you have no need to read it again. ;)

* * *

Everyone was naked. Seriously naked. Not a stitch to be seen. Except for SG-1 of course, who were dressed to the nines in their green combat fatigues while they sat in the place of honor on their guest's floor in his elaborate great room. 

"Now, this is a welcome!" O'Neill boomed, one hand gesturing to the grandeur of the naked masses, who had begun dancing for them before dinner nearly two hours ago and hadn't let up yet.

The rest of the team was noticeably less enthused. Although, Sam mused as she glanced around, her male teammates all sat rather wide-eyed as the tribal leader's daughter gyrated in front of them. She was consistently amazed at the duties of being a leader's daughter on the various planets they'd visited. If this was Utopia, she'd rather stick with archaic, uncivilized Earth thank you very much.

The hall they sat in was dramatically decorated with heavy drapes and ornate gold and dark wood. The perfume in the air had made Daniel sneeze enough to take his allergy pills. Truthfully, Sam had had a sneeze or two in the sodden air herself. She scanned the groups of naked, dancing people and wondered briefly if they'd ever even thought of clothes. They had drapes. Why not clothes?

The gyrating daughter, breasts flying chaotically, writhed in front of Sam nearly knocking her in the head. Sam leaned backwards and put a forearm up, an edge to her polite tone. "Ohhh, no thank you!" She glanced down at her own chest. "I brought my own."

When the woman paid no heed and started a particularly painful looking shimmy, Sam glanced to her right. "Daniel!"

He was pretending not to hear her, hiding a smirk. She wanted to grab him by the ear until he whined her name in a plea for mercy. Instead she elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ow." His smirk became a glare.

"Kids." O'Neill barked. He turned to send his own glare their way, his words coming out in that deliberate way he had when he was using words you didn't realize he'd known. "You. Are harshing my buzz. Stop it."

Sam and Daniel glanced at each other and then both turned to look at him incredulously.

"'Harshing your buzz'?" Daniel repeated. Jack ignored him.

"O'Neill." Teal'c was sitting on the other side of Daniel trying his best to be polite while a well-endowed couple did the bump and grind in front of him. He was giving Jack his best imperious look. "Are you certain these people possess technology that we can find useful?"

Jack hesitated, searching furiously for a good answer. "Of course!" He shrugged and winced a bit.

"They don't seem to have a handle on the whole 'needle and thread' thing much less complex defensive arms." Sam muttered.

"I'm sure they're a very well-dressed people in the daytime, Major."

"They met us at the gate this afternoon completely naked, sir!"

"Well, on holidays then!"

Sam rolled her eyes then had to duck the amazing flying breasts again. She finally reached out and, trying to maneuver her hands carefully, shoved the woman over in front of Daniel. The dancer barely seemed to notice and began a joyous gyration practically in Jackson's lap.

"Ummm..." Daniel swallowed and glanced at Sam, who didn't bother to hide her smile.

"I believe Major Carter has a point, O'Neill." Teal'c stated, his eyes sliding sideways to keep track of the grinding couple.

"I think we oughtta stick around until tomorrow at least. See what they have to offer." Jack tried to look thoughtful. "Daniel? Back me up here."

Sam looked at Daniel, brows raised.

"Well, I hate to say it, but Jack does have a point. The lack of clothing says nothing about their technological state." The dancing breasts suddenly came too close and bumped his glasses, sending them askew. He coughed and leaned back, meeting Sam's eyes with a self-effacing and resigned expression.

Sam grinned and reached out to straighten his glasses properly on his nose. He gave her a sardonic smile.

"Thanks." He said dryly. "Anyway, as I was saying, they might be significantly more technologically advanced than us. From a cultural standpoint, they may just be all about free expression."

"Well, they need to stop 'expressing' in my face like this or someone is going to get hurt." Sam warned.

"Now Major." Jack chided. "That's no way to treat our new friends."

Daniel looked worriedly at Sam. "Well. You're really going to be upset then when the time comes for us to reciprocate their greeting."

"What?" Sam's eyes widened. Daniel grinned.

"Think of the good of the team, Carter!" O'Neill was almost gleeful.

"'Reciprocate', my ass." Sam muttered. Then added as an afterthought, "Sir."

Jack just smiled.

When the night took a subtle yet orgiastic turn, Jack's mood became far less enthusiastic. They watched as the native people all partook in a thick, viscous brown liquid that made them even more energetic and sexual.

Daniel motioned to the cups of liquid that had been set in front of them. "I strongly suggest we refrain from drinking any of this."

"Ya think?" Jack eyed him sarcastically.

"Look, can we just plead exhaustion and leave the party early?" Sam asked.

"That would be wise." Teal'c agreed as he gently disengaged the hands of a naked woman trying rub his bald scalp.

Daniel sighed. "Yeah. Let me say our goodbyes." He pushed himself to his feet and they watched him struggle his way through the mass of moving bodies.

"If he's not back in ten minutes, we go looking for him." Jack stated.

They watched as both a woman and a man reached out and goosed the archeologist at the same time.

"Make that five." Sam insisted. Jack nodded quickly in agreement.

Sam released an uneasy sigh of relief as she stood in the private room that had been made-up for her. It was huge and plush and made her feel distinctly uncomfortable, but at least it was away from the orgy in the great room. There were tables of oils and fruit and sweets, and the floor was covered in elaborate blankets and cushions. It felt like a gothic brothel.

She was about to unclip her P-90 from her vest when the door of her room suddenly opened behind her. She whirled around, finger going automatically to the trigger guard of her rifle. She saw the priestess of the tribe there. Daniel had introduced her as Anah. She could speak some halting English, passed down among the clergy of their people who'd served the Goa'uld.

"Sam." Anah nodded respectfully at her. Sam relaxed a bit and lowered the gun.

"Anah. Hello."

"A gift." Anah suddenly pulled a naked young man from behind her and pushed him into the room. "For... service of.. you."

Sam stared in surprise a moment and then raised a hand. "Oh! No, Anah. Wait!" But Anah was gone, the door shut behind her. Sam stood resignedly in the middle of the floor and shook her head. "Figures."

She looked at the young man. He grinned at her.

"Oh boy." Sam bit her lip in discomfort. He was heavily muscled, hairless and deeply tanned. As her eyes unconsciously flicked downward, she realized he was also quite... ready. And still a growing boy to boot. 'Growing' being the optimum word there. When he saw her looking, the man smiled some more and subtly jutted his hips forward.

"Um... wow." Sam quipped, impressed and a bit freaked out at the same time. He moved towards her.

"OK. Whoa!" Sam stepped back and held her hand up, palm out. "No uh, no service needed here! You just stay right there."

The man hesitated, confused. He said something in their language that Sam didn't understand in the least.

"No. Service. No. No... that!" She pointed at his groin. He glanced down and then back up and grinned. She sighed. "This is going well."

He started forward again. Sam put a hand on her P-90 and held the palm out again. "Whoa! Back off, man. You're not coming anywhere near me with THAT."

He stopped again and looked perplexed.

"All right." Sam kept her hand out and started easing to the side. "I'm just going to-"

She was interrupted as the door opened again and Jack strolled through. "Carter! Did you turn your radio off? You're not going to believe what was waiting in my room. I... " He stopped in his tracks and stared at her and the naked man. "Umm, Carter?"

"Hello, sir!" Sam smiled at him, the expression a bit forced.

Jack was suddenly all business, dark eyes glittering with deliberate calculation. "Carter?" He asked, gaze pinned on the young man. "You OK?"

"Fine, sir. He's apparently here to 'service' me for tonight."

"Ahhh. Yes. Had one of those in my room too. Female, I mean."

"Of course, sir." Sam's mouth turned up slightly, her unease dissolving with the appearance of one of her teammates. The man suddenly turned around to fully face Jack, still grinning.

Jack winced and turned his head away. "Oh, I did NOT need to see THAT."

"He's quite gifted, sir!" Sam smiled, suddenly enjoying herself.

Jack walked around to stand beside her. "It's not the size of your ship, Major. It's the motion of your ocean."

Sam pressed her lips together and slid a glance his way. "That's very... profound, Colonel."

"Thanks."

"O'Neill. Major Carter. There is a woman in-" Teal'c suddenly walked into the room and stopped quickly to stare at the young man. He raised one brow then glanced at Sam.

"Carter's made a new little friend." Jack explained.

"Not so little." Sam mumbled.

"Look, son." Jack spoke slowly and loudly to the young man. "We appreciate your... eagerness, but if the Major here needs any 'servicing', we'll be taking care of it ourselves, alright? Take the night off."

Sam slowly turned to stare at him. Teal'c raised a brow.

Jack glanced at them and shrugged. "What?" He mouthed silently. Sam shook her head.

"Do you wish me to remove him?" Teal'c asked, his tone of voice indicating not only his willingness to do so, but his abject desire to do so. He leveled an intimidating glare at the young man.

"Umm." Sam was about to tell him to be gentle, when the last member of the team burst through the door.

"There you all are!" Daniel glanced at them, motioning back towards his room. "I barely got out of there alive, there's a... hello!" He nearly ran into the young man and then almost slipped in his eagerness to backpedal.

"Carter's new friend." Jack extended another explanation to Daniel.

"Oh?" Daniel looked amused beneath raised brows.

"Don't even, Daniel!" Sam shot him a dry look. "Can you please tell him that it's nothing personal but I won't be needing his 'services' tonight?"

"Are you sure? I mean, he's uh, certainly ready to go, isn't he."

"Daniel!"

Daniel said a few stilted words to the young man accompanied by some shooing motions with his hands. The man gave Sam a regretful look, but obediently turned and walked from the room. Teal'c followed him, watching to make sure he disappeared down the hall, then he stepped back inside the room, closed the door and threw the switch for the lock.

Sam exhaled loudly in relief. "Damn."

"They're quite a libidinous people, aren't they?" Daniel mused tiredly.

Jack looked around. "OK, troops. Until we can get off this little party planet, we bivy together right here."

"Escape is more like it, sir." Sam unclipped her P-90.

"They are very uninhibited." Teal'c agreed.

"Daniel will ask about the big honkin' space gun tomorrow." Jack said. "We'll be back home in time for evening chow. Until then, we watch each other's backs and keep the groping to a minimum. Agreed?"

The others nodded and began removing jackets and gear to bed down.

Later, as they lay in a tight pack among the perfumed cushions, Sam finally relaxed completely.

She laid there in the darkness with Daniel's knee pressed against her own, the Colonel's arm brushing hers, Teal'c's soft breathing next to her ear and the scent of all three reassuring her in ways that her P-90 never could. The simple act of sleeping next to each other was more art than any act of pleasure these people could create.

"Carter?" The Colonel's voice jarred her from her sleepy thoughts.

"Yes, sir?"

"You know, if you really DID need servicing tonight... "

Sam smiled in the darkness and heard Daniel's soft exhaled laugh. She surprised herself by hesitating for the briefest of moments, wondering what would happen if she said yes.

"Ahmm. That's OK, sir. I think I can keep my overwhelming and passionate impulses under control for tonight."

Jack sighed. "Just checking."

Sam gave a short, quiet laugh, her fingers brushing Jack's, her knee nudging Daniel's. Who needed a pleasure planet? She had her boys.

END


End file.
